Parenting is a journey filled with joy, challenges, and tough decisions. One of the most challenging yet essential aspects of parenting is drawing boundaries, especially when our emerging adult children (ages 18 to 30) are engaged in harmful or inappropriate behaviors such as entitlement, addiction, lack of motivation, defiance, or debilitating anxiety and depression. While it might seem counterintuitive, setting boundaries is often the most loving thing we can do for our children.
When emerging adults are lost in negative behaviors, they often lack the tools or self-awareness to take the appropriate steps to get better. This is not limited to addiction; issues such as chronic entitlement, lack of motivation, defiance, and severe anxiety or depression can also spiral out of control. In such cases, families may find themselves in need of a structured intervention. An intervention can be a crucial and effective way to help adult children get the help they need and make the internalized changes necessary for becoming healthy, productive individuals.
The Importance of Boundaries
Research has shown that setting clear boundaries is essential for healthy development, even in emerging adulthood. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, consistent boundaries help individuals understand expectations and develop self-control. When boundaries are absent or inconsistent, young adults can experience increased anxiety and confusion, which can exacerbate existing issues like addiction, defiance, or lack of motivation.
Interventions: A Path to Recovery
An intervention is a structured process where family and friends confront a loved one about their harmful behaviors and encourage them to seek treatment. The National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA) highlights that interventions can be effective in encouraging individuals to enter treatment programs. Successful interventions often involve the guidance of professionals, such as trained interventionists or clinicians, who can provide support and resources.
My Personal Experience
Having been through this process with more than one family member, I understand how scary, confusing, and difficult it can be. It was my own family’s dysfunction, trauma, and addiction that led me into this career. I frequently speak with parents who are afraid to draw boundaries, sometimes for very valid reasons. However, I offer the perspective that now is a time when their children need them to be loving parents more than ever, and a loving parent draws boundaries when needed.
Determining If an Intervention Is Needed
Many parents hope that their children’s negative behaviors will self-correct or that they will grow out of them. Unfortunately, for many emerging adults, the likelihood of self-correction is quite low. Here are some steps to help determine if an intervention or boundary-setting is needed:
1. Observe Patterns: Take note of recurring harmful behaviors. Are they increasing in frequency or severity? Are they impacting daily life, work, or relationships?
2. Evaluate Impact: Consider the impact of these behaviors on the individual and the family. Are they causing significant stress, health issues, or financial problems?
3. Seek Professional Input: Consult with a mental health professional to assess the situation. They can provide an objective perspective and suggest appropriate steps.
4. Discuss with Family: Have an open discussion with other family members to gauge their observations and feelings. Consensus can help in making a unified decision.
The Process of Setting Boundaries and Intervening
Once you have determined that an intervention is necessary, the next steps involve careful planning and execution. Here is a general process to follow:
1. Plan the Intervention: Work with a professional to develop a structured plan. This includes deciding who will be involved, what will be said, and how to handle various potential reactions.
2. Gather Support: Involve family members and friends who are close to the individual. Their support and unified stance can be powerful.
3. Execute with Care: Conduct the intervention in a supportive and non-confrontational manner. The goal is to express concern and love, not blame or shame.
4. Offer Solutions: Provide concrete options for treatment and support. Be ready with information on programs and resources.
5. Follow Up: After the intervention, continue to support your child through the treatment process. Maintain clear boundaries and be consistent in your approach.
How We Can Help
At Legacy Treatment Center, I frequently receive calls from parents who are struggling with their emerging adult children. These parents are often at their wit’s end, unsure of how to proceed or how to help their child. I help coach them through the process in the following ways:
1. Assessment and Planning: We start by assessing the situation to understand the severity of the issues at hand. This includes discussing the behaviors, patterns, and any previous attempts at intervention or treatment.
2. Developing a Strategy: Based on the assessment, we develop a tailored intervention strategy. This might include setting clear boundaries, identifying potential treatment options, and preparing for the intervention process.
3. Professional Guidance: We connect families with trained interventionists or clinicians who can provide professional support during the intervention. Their expertise ensures that the process is conducted safely and effectively.
4. Ongoing Support: After the intervention, we continue to support families by helping them navigate the treatment process and maintain healthy boundaries. This ongoing support is crucial for ensuring long-term success.
I am fortunate to have several family members who are now success stories thanks to timely interventions and effective boundary-setting. However, I also have family members for whom I wish we had intervened sooner. Let these experiences be a reminder of the transformative power of loving boundaries and timely interventions.
If you need assistance, don’t hesitate to reach out. We are here to support you every step of the way.
Author: Derek J. Daley
References:
1. American Academy of Pediatrics. (n.d.). [Setting Limits for Effective Parenting](https://www.aap.org/en/patient-care/healthy-active-living/setting-limits-for-effective-parenting/).
2. National Institute on Drug Abuse. (2020). [Principles of Drug Addiction Treatment: A Research-Based Guide](https://nida.nih.gov/publications/principles-drug-addiction-treatment-research-based-guide-third-edition).
3. Journal of Substance Abuse Treatment. (2019). The Impact of Interventions on Long-Term Recovery Outcomes.
4. Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration. (2019). [The Importance of Early Intervention](https://www.samhsa.gov/prevention).
